Marriage takes work. This is true whether you’ve been married for three years or three decades. However, if you have children – or if you’re considering having children – ensuring your relationship with your spouse is solid is even more important.
Here, we look at strategies to help you maintain a healthy marriage so that you can navigate parenting together as a team.
The changing dynamic
Having children completely changes how you function as a couple. While it makes sense that your priorities shift, the reality can often take its toll. From the chaos of the school run to evenings lost to the bedtime routine, it’s easy to lose track of each other.
There are formal services like couples therapy that can help you both get back on track and family law solicitors that are on hand to assist with any legal aspects of marriage and parenting. But it’s possible to find a way to maintain a healthy relationship that works for you both day-to-day.
If you’re looking for some ideas, here are some areas to focus on.
Encourage effective communication
It makes sense that parents mostly talk about things that are related to their children. They’re a huge part of your lives, after all. But when questions like ‘are they going to join that after-school club?’ and ‘do we need more of those snacks they like?’ are the only conversations you’re having with each other, it can be easy to lose track of who you both are as a couple and also as individuals.
It is possible to get back into the habit of checking in with each other again. Try to set aside some time when it’s just the two of you. Even if you can only free up half an hour a week to begin with, try to make the most of this time but encouraging open, honest conversations about how you’re both feeling. Ask about work and each other’s interests. Take the time to hear what your partner has to say, practising active listening skills, and build up a picture of how your partner is feeling.
If possible, try to build up the time you spend on communication. This will help bring you closer together and can also help ensure you’re on the same page in terms of parenting.
Prioritise quality time together
As well as building up communication between the two of you, it’s important to remember that you’re a couple as well as parents. If you can, try to build in time together, whether that’s calling in a babysitter so you can have a monthly date night or simply watching a TV show together.
Build on your connection in a meaningful way so that you can strengthen your relationship. This means you’re more likely to work as a team elsewhere in your daily lives.
Manage stress
Being a parent can be stressful. There are the everyday tasks to remember such as when it’s PE day at school, to the larger, overarching jobs, such as teaching your children how to be courteous and respectful. Juggling that with your other responsibilities as an adult can easily get on top of you. And this, in turn, can mean you have a short fuse – especially if you’re tired.
Should you and your partner not see eye-to-eye about these things, it can create conflict. However, if you can, try to plan when you both have challenging conversations. Waiting until you’re both in the right headspace can make a huge difference – it could even reduce your stress levels.
If you’ve got good communication skills, this can further help with conflict as you’re more likely to see where this has come from.
It’s possible to find the balance with your partner when you’re both parents. It just requires a fresh take and seeking external advice where necessary.
