When you’re in the full flush of love, whether you’re thinking of popping the question, or you’ve recently just gotten engaged, it can seem like there are no potential problems ahead of you. Even when the jitters start setting in, most people don’t put a shape to their anxiety, so it goes unaddressed. Then, when the marriage begins, those anxieties can take a much more solid form, and feel like you’re blindsided. You shouldn’t be caught totally off-guard, however. So here are a few things that you might want to think about before you get married.
Love Requires Ongoing Nurturing
Marriage is often viewed as the culmination of a romantic relationship, the “happily ever after” that follows the fairy-tale romance. However, the truth is that love is not a static entity that automatically persists after the wedding day. It requires continuous attention, effort, and nurturing. The initial spark that brought you together must be continually rekindled, not left to burn out under the weight of daily life. Couples need to prioritize spending quality time together, expressing affection, and staying emotionally connected. This ongoing nurturing of love keeps the relationship vibrant and alive, preventing it from becoming a mere partnership of convenience.
It’s a Commitment Through Thick and Thin
Marriage is more than a legal contract or a social arrangement; it’s a profound commitment to stand by one another, not just when things are going well, but also during the inevitable challenges that life brings. The vow to stay together “in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer” isn’t just ceremonial—it’s a reminder that marriage involves sticking together through difficult times. Whether it’s financial strain, illness, or personal crises, being married means you are committed to facing these difficulties together. It’s about being each other’s anchor in the storm, understanding that the true test of love is how you support each other during the hard times.
Trust is Vital
Trust is the bedrock of any marriage. Without it, the foundation of the relationship crumbles. Trust isn’t just about fidelity; it extends to all aspects of the relationship, including trust in each other’s decisions, trust that your partner has your best interests at heart, and trust that they will be there when you need them. Building and maintaining trust requires honesty, transparency, and consistent behavior. If trust is broken, it can take a long time to rebuild, and the process can be painful. Couples need to be mindful of how their actions affect their partner’s trust, always striving to maintain and strengthen this critical aspect of their relationship.
You Have to Continue to Work on Yourself
Marriage doesn’t mean that personal growth stops. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Both partners need to continue working on themselves, both individually and together. This means pursuing personal goals, interests, and self-improvement, while also contributing to the growth of the relationship. A marriage can stagnate if either partner stops growing or if one partner outpaces the other. Continuing to work on yourself ensures that you bring your best self to the marriage, which in turn strengthens the relationship. It also helps prevent resentment, as both partners feel fulfilled both individually and together.
Maintaining Intimacy is Essential
Intimacy in marriage is not just about physical closeness; it’s about emotional and psychological connection as well. Maintaining intimacy requires effort and intention. Over time, as life becomes busier with work, children, and other responsibilities, it can be easy to let intimacy slide. However, neglecting this aspect of the relationship can lead to feelings of loneliness and disconnection. Regularly setting aside time for each other, whether through date nights, physical affection, or simply talking about your day, helps keep the intimate connection strong. It’s about making your partner feel valued, desired, and understood, which in turn deepens the bond between you.
You Have to Be on the Same Page with Money
Money is one of the most common sources of conflict in marriage. Therefore, it’s crucial that couples are on the same page when it comes to finances. This includes agreeing on spending habits, savings goals, and how to handle debt. Financial compatibility doesn’t mean you have to agree on everything, but it does mean that you should have open, honest discussions about money and be willing to compromise. It’s also important to understand each other’s financial backgrounds and attitudes toward money, as these can heavily influence financial behavior in the marriage. Being aligned financially can prevent many potential conflicts and help ensure a stable future together.
You Both Still Need Personal Space
Marriage is about togetherness, but it’s equally important to recognize the need for personal space. Each partner needs time to themselves to pursue their interests, hobbies, and friendships. Maintaining individuality within a marriage can actually strengthen the relationship, as it allows both partners to recharge and bring fresh energy into the relationship. Respecting each other’s need for personal space also helps prevent feelings of suffocation and resentment. It’s important to find a balance between togetherness and independence, ensuring that neither partner feels neglected nor overwhelmed.
Good Communication is Vital
Effective communication is the cornerstone of a healthy marriage. This involves more than just talking; it includes listening, understanding, and responding appropriately to your partner’s needs and concerns. Good communication allows couples to navigate disagreements, express their feelings, and support each other through difficult times. It’s also about being open and honest about your needs, desires, and expectations. Miscommunication or lack of communication can lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and a breakdown in the relationship. Couples who prioritize communication are better equipped to handle the ups and downs of marriage and maintain a strong, healthy relationship.
Plan the Future Together
Marriage is a partnership, and like any partnership, it requires planning for the future. Couples need to discuss their long-term goals and ensure they are aligned on key issues such as career aspirations, where to live, whether to have children and how to handle major life decisions. Planning the future together helps ensure that both partners are working toward the same objectives and can prevent conflicts that arise from unmet expectations or diverging goals. It’s also about creating a shared vision for the future, which can strengthen the bond between partners and give the marriage a sense of purpose and direction.
Disagreements Are Going to Happen
No marriage is without conflict. Disagreements are inevitable when two people share their lives so closely. What’s important is how these disagreements are handled. Couples need to approach conflicts with a mindset of resolution rather than winning. This means being willing to listen to each other’s perspectives, finding common ground, and compromising when necessary. It’s also important to avoid letting disagreements escalate into hurtful arguments or allowing unresolved issues to fester. By handling disagreements constructively, couples can strengthen their relationship and develop a deeper understanding of each other.
You Have to Know Your Limits
While marriage is about commitment and perseverance, it’s also important to recognize when a relationship is no longer healthy or sustainable. Knowing your limits means understanding when the marriage has become irreparably damaged, whether due to infidelity, abuse, or other serious issues. Divorce should never be taken lightly, but in some cases, it may be the best option for both partners. It’s important to acknowledge that while marriage is meant to last, it should not come at the cost of one’s mental, emotional, or physical well-being. Recognizing when it’s time to let go can be difficult, but it can also lead to a healthier, happier future.
Forgiveness May Be Necessary
Forgiveness is an essential part of any marriage. Over the course of a relationship, mistakes will be made, and feelings will be hurt. Holding onto grudges can poison a marriage, leading to resentment and bitterness. Learning to forgive doesn’t mean condoning bad behavior, but rather, letting go of the anger and moving forward together. It’s about understanding that neither partner is perfect and that mistakes are part of being human. Forgiveness allows couples to heal and grow from their experiences, strengthening their bond and deepening their love for each other.
The Consequences of Ending a Marriage
Ending a marriage has far-reaching consequences that extend beyond the couple themselves. It affects children, extended family, and even social and financial dynamics. Divorce can lead to emotional turmoil, financial strain, and a significant shift in social circles. The dissolution of a marriage is often a painful process, not just because of the emotional attachment but also because of the life that was built together. It can involve dividing assets, moving homes, and potentially altering relationships with mutual friends and family. Moreover, if children are involved, the impact is even greater, as they may struggle with the changes in their family structure and the emotional fallout of their parents’ separation.
Marriage can be intimidating. However, the reward, when it’s done right, is a lifelong bond and a stronger relationship that can support you through thick and thin. That’s why it’s still plenty worth it for most people.
