Thirty years ago, if you asked a couple how they met, they might say they first saw each other at work, or maybe at school. They caught each other’s eye, and maybe they started up a casual flirtation. At some point, one asked the other one out.
These days, though, many relationships start through dating apps. These apps might exist for casual hookups or long-term relationships. Either way, many men sign up for them and try to match with people who seem attractive and relatively sane.
In this article, we’ll talk about some dos and don’ts for men who go on a first date through a dating app match.
Don’t Talk About Anything Morbid
When you meet up with a person who you matched with on a dating app, make sure you do it in a public place. That’s for both your safety and theirs. You don’t know this person yet, and you probably already realize there’s more than a few crazy or eccentric people out there.
Once you start talking, try to avoid saying anything strange or morbid. For instance, if you’re a long-haul trucker, maybe you know that 2019 saw 172 jackknife accident deaths.
While that’s an interesting factoid, you might frighten your date if you mention it. Try to stick to more cheerful topics.
If things seem to naturally go in a darker direction, like if your date mentions that they like horror movies or true crime podcasts, then you might explore that subject. It’s best that you don’t say something grotesque as an opener, though.
Don’t Talk About Your Exes Too Much
You should also avoid talking about your ex or exes the whole time. If you’re just getting out of a long-term relationship or a marriage, then it’s probably appropriate that you mention that.
However, don’t spend an hour talking about how your ex liked to leave the toilet seat up or the way they always chewed in an annoying way that bothered you.
If you spend too much time dwelling on past relationships, it will seem as though you’re not ready to move on. Your date will naturally feel uncomfortable and neglected.
Don’t Talk About Yourself the While Time
You should also try to avoid talking about yourself the whole time. Conversation resembles an art form. Try to keep that in mind.
You should volley the conversation lightly back and forth. If you find that you’re expounding on your life for a while, then that’s fine, assuming the other person seems interested. It’s natural that you might talk about things like your job, your family, your past, and your plans for the future.
However, if you find that you’re completely dominating the conversation, then steer the focus back to your date. You’re trying to have a 50-50 split between talking and listening in most instances.
Try to Avoid Raunchy Subjects at First
If you don’t know someone very well, then you won’t know their sense of humor. They might love raunchy jokes and stories, but those can also repel some people.
If you sense that this person doesn’t mind a little off-color humor, or if they say something crass before you do, then you can ease up a bit. If they seem very prim and proper, though, try to stay within that conversational framework.
Don’t Drink Too Much
A drink or two can loosen things up, but drinking a whole bottle of wine or several cocktails sends the wrong signal. It indicates you’re nervous.
Follow their lead concerning alcohol consumption. If they seem like a liberal drinker, then you can indulge a little more, but stay in control. Also, if you’re driving, stay under the legal limit.
Ask Questions and Listen
You definitely want to ask questions about the other person and actively listen when they answer them. Presumably, you’re trying to find out about this individual, just as they’re trying to find out about you.
If you told them about your work, follow up by asking them about theirs. It’s the same with your family and theirs. If you both seem to arrive at a topic that interests you, then you can stick with it. If they seem like a topic bores them, then try to gently steer the conversation in another direction.
Try to Pick Up on Nonverbal Cues
Picking up on nonverbal cues matters a great deal. Many times, if a date goes wrong, you can tell that through body language, regardless of what the other person does or doesn’t say.
If someone plays with their hair while looking at you coyly, that’s a pretty obvious sign that they’re interested. If they lean closer, that usually means they’re receptive when you’re saying something. By contrast, if they keep leaning further away from you or they’re frowning a lot, that probably means you’re not doing well in their eyes.
If they laugh a lot, and seem to genuinely find what you say humorous, then that’s a great sign. If they’re laughing, but it seems uncomfortable, then try to pick up on that and change the subject.
Ask if You Can Pay the Check
You might also ask if you can pay the check, but try not to make it weird. This sometimes comes up as a sticking point on first dates.
Ideally, you might bring this up as early as your phone conversations before the first date. If you have expectations in this area and you’ve worked out who pays beforehand, then hopefully, things won’t get too awkward when the bill arrives.
Be Yourself
Most importantly, try to put forth your most authentic personality. You don’t want to portray yourself in a way that’s not actually you.
You should demonstrate your regular personality without coming on too strong. You want to seem casual, open, and a bit retrained. If things go well, you can open up more. At first, though, you want to feel out the situation to see how it goes.
